as i find myself with time to do homework, i am doing anything but that. i’m writing. there is something on my mind that needs to be released before i can concentrate on school work.

since ingrid was born, we keep hearing that we need to join a support group for families of children with special needs. i haven’t done so, yet, because i’m not sure i feel the same as other parents. today i find myself with that same feeling. i bought a book about children with down syndrome. its supposed to be helpful in all of life’s chapters, dealing with d.s.
i haven’t made it past the introduction, but i can’t help but feel like i’m not the “typical” parent of a d.s. child. (or a special needs child, at that!) the editor writes about how regretful she is for not being able to cope with the diagnosis of d.s. in her daughter. yeah, i don’t now, nor ever have felt that way. learning that ingrid had d.s. just minutes after she was born was a huge shock. but, i never felt like i couldn’t cope. i mean, wow. it’s not a life sentence! she’s a baby!! my baby. and loving her wouldn’t change if she was diagnosed with d.s. or born a green alien. she’s still my beautiful baby. there isn’t a person in the world that could convince me that ingrid isn’t worth the same love and admiration that my son receives.

i guess its possible that i have a distorted view of what support groups are about. i don’t know what they offer, but i imagine the worst. gathering as a group in a large room of a city building, in a circle, venting about the problems the parents face having a child with d.s. if that’s the case, i’m not going! we were told by one of ingrid’s doctors that we may feel guilty for having a excellent child, given the circumstances, while other parents are living through horrible situations. that doesn’t convince me that group meetings are for me. in fact, it pushes me the other direction…running for the hills away from any group setting. i have adored ingrid from the moment i set eyes on her. and i don’t want to feel guilty for having a perfect child. (brixton is two years old and crazy at times, but he’s still perfect to me too.)

then we have technology. i can get online and find so much information that i’ll need now and in the future. do i really need to go sit in a group to hear others tell me the same thing? i may be being harsh. if so, i’m sorry. grasping the benefits over the negatives about groups and books, seems to be bogging me down. i don’t want to read about all the parents that can’t handle their kids. or about all the things my child will do wrong, compared to “normal” kids. so far, she hasn’t done anything that has been said of d.s. i think she’s exceptional. no book will tell me what i don’t already know. if i’m going to read something about d.s., which i know i should, i want to read about the facts, not people’s perceptions.

in the meantime, i’m going to finish reading the book i purchased today.. with hopes of feeling more positive about it. and if its possible, i’ll push myself to look into what support groups are all about. oh, i don’t know. i still can’t bring myself to think this is a good idea for my family. we’ll see how the readings go..

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