I title this post DS, yet I think it’s relatable to any parent.
We have our kids. Beautiful, silly, quirky, unique, brilliant little humans that suck joy from us as much as they produce it. I say that lightly, but you all know what I mean.. the good days and the bad. Sometimes it’s all we have to remember the good days when the bad ones seem to foreshadow our present. I say this from a perspective of a special needs mom. Ugh, this kid. I adore every ounce of her being, yet sometimes it takes all I have to focus on life when they’re in need. Ya know, daily needs are one thing, then thrown on top of that the needs that are unexpected, and sometimes completely confusing.
Ingrid. When she’s in need of something, almost anything (!), most of the time she doesn’t tell us. Her demeanor changes. Her mood shifts. Her happiness goes dark. Then all of my existence turns from Mom to Investigator.. because I’m totally guessing as to what’s happening and why. I’d like to say that I’ve gotten used to this, but I haven’t. I never know. As much as I’m “supposed” to, I don’t. I’ve accepted that.
This week has been somewhat unique. She seemed well, yet wasn’t. I guessed and attempted to fix whatever could be bothering her.. all to bring us to an emergency visit to the doctor. She’s okay, but she’s had a tough few days. Without going into the gory details, let me say this.. before becoming a mom I never knew what exhaustion was. Haha!
Recently, I read an article by a mom of a child with a disability, Jullian Benfield (www.jillianbenfield.com).
This mom described life perfectly. Its not better nor worse, its just more.
This one statement is so painfully accurate.
Most people don’t understand why I’m not interested in certain activities that are common for a parent. But for me, some of those activities are so darn difficult that the fun one child has is terrifying for the other (or a multitude of other reasons). Or myself! As their mom, I have to be 100% there for both kids at all times. Some don’t realize that what works for them just simply doesn’t work for us.
Each family has their own thing; their own way of doing life, and that’s perfectly okay. But if you’re not living their life, refrain from judgement because I’m certain you have no idea what that mom (or dad) has gone through already today.
I say this all the time.. I adore my kids. They are my reason for everything I do. They are the reason I sacrifice, just as all parents do. They are the reason I smile (and also the reason I may be a little off my rocker!) Yet no matter what type of job I held in the past or the many business I currently operate, parenting is by far the hardest job I’ve ever had!
I’ve said this before and I’m saying it again. Watching your child punch herself in the face, scratch her legs or pull her own hair out of frustration and confusion is the worst feeling in the world. All she wants to do is understand why she feels a certain way or why this or that is happening, yet she doesn’t, and no matter how I try to explain it, she’s just sad. There have been days recently that we’ve encountered a new type of behavior from Ingrid. After being potty trained for a few years, she has decided that doing so is scary. So, she refuses to go at all. Needless to say, this didn’t have a happy ending. And… here’s where the emergency doctor’s visit comes into play. Not only did I miss all of the signs of the correct thing being wrong, I am still trying to figure out how to properly handle the situation on the other side of a diagnosis/resolution.
Its easy to say I have my hands full, yet we all do. If you’re a parent, you feel me. This is hard. Being their mom is rewarding and exciting and the happiest thing I’ve ever done, but its hard. And being Ingrid’s mom is just more.
Parenting isn’t something that I’ve ever regretted or wish would’ve happened differently. No.. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I talk about it a lot because it’s a massive part of my life. If it weren’t, someone somewhere should be concerned. (ha!)
But, you see, our lives are relatable. Our stories are different – some are just.. more.
And, here I am.. a mom who talks to you about the challenges of being a mom, all while coaching moms to be the best humans they can be. Because we all get it.
You are not alone. You are not walking this path without someone else feeling the same way you feel. Not everyone will “get it” and that’s okay. Be the best mom you know how to be, but be you!
“So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we’re all alone, then we’re all together in that too.” – Patricia (Kathy Bates), P. S. I Love You.